Before y’all bust a nut over how shit I’ve been at posting, keep this in mind – I am about to talk about cupcakes. Yeah, you heard correctly; this shit just got real. Like ‘Bruce Willis in Die Hard‘ real.
Ok, so for some reason there’s this extreme, over-played, ERMAHGERD obsession with cutesy, pink cupcakes which taste of cardboard and in the majority of cases, are covered in butter. Yes, think about that when you’re next wolfing one down at a girly sleepover instead of opting for a bacon sarnie for breakfast the next morning – you’re substituting PURE BUTTER for bacon, the God of all Godly foods. Just imagine your arteries slowly pumping butter instead of blood – does your heart hurt at the thought of it all? Because it should.
However, there are instances where the cupcakes are so MFing good, you want to sew your ass shut to stop them from ever leaving your system. Instances like that are rare to come about, and more often than not, you wake up the next morning thinking it was all a dream. Moments like that should be savoured and appreciated, for they are as good as having a double rainbow, orgasmic, festive unicorn, rollercoaster ride in your mouth. i.e. Magical. Just like the time I first tried a Red Velvet Cupcake from the Hummingbird Bakery.
Now I know this is only a mini-review, as I could only handle trying one thing (I didn’t want to upset the system by having too many good things happen to me at once – a fairy might have died somewhere to balance it out, or Obama could’ve been assassinated or something, I dunno. Crazy shit may’ve happen). Priced at a whopping £2.65, the Red Velvet cupcake is seemingly not worth it, no? BLASPHEMY. It’s so many ounces of ‘worth-it’, you can’t even imagine. And L’Oreal ‘worth-it’, not just your ordinary, hard day’s work ‘worth-it’. To demonstrate, here are some food porn pictures I took with my camera –
The outside of the box these bad boys came in, to prove that I’m not just some crazy lady who bakes amazing cupcakes and tries to pass them off as brand ones…although I’m not sure people actually do that. The fingerprints on the box are the result of many grimey paws of my so-called ‘acquaintances’ tryin’ to get at ma cupcakes. Sharing is over-rated – probably why communism doesn’t work so well.
The box of cupcakes was a gift from an old friend to help me get through revision for my exams. And let me tell you – revision had never been so sweet. We didn’t even need any bacon to make this a good ‘un, because ERMAHGERD, they were just so tastaaaay. (Yes, any notion of fine prose or artistic flair is thrown out of the window where food is concerned. It’s a well-known fact, actually. Name one famous classical writer who wrote about lavish meals. Yeah…that’s right. There aren’t any – they were all too busy writing about poverty and love and wanting to screw their parents.)
The Hummingbird Bakery has a ton of different locations all over London, and I hear they’ve got stalls up at music festivals this year, so grab some more info on their website, and go get your hands on one of these bad boys. Or anything from that shop, to be honest – I can’t vouch for every flavour under the Sun, but based on the Red Velvet cupcake…DEFINITELY L’Oreal ‘worth-it’.
P.S. I’d really appreciate feedback on this one – would you like me to continue doing foodie reviews? Yes/No answers will suffice, but do let me know if you want more deets on ingredients and other trivial bullshit, or just more food pics.